(Episode) 8 Reasons Why Alto Saotome’s Life Sucks

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On the surface, Alto Saotome has it all – looks, a respected surname, and the dream job of being a pilot for SMS. However, life is not all Valkyrie models and mock battles for the young flyboy. Looking at it closely, everything wrong in his life has been summarized in one nifty episode.

1. He’s still in high school.

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Unlike his predecessors in other Macross franchises, Alto doesn’t not spend his ground time lounging around with other pilots making lewd jokes about the art of romancing the womanz.

Being an underaged flyboy, he’s kinda like a Powerpuff Girl: Saving the world before bedtime. Well, not exactly. The SMS Staff make him earn his paycheck by working him like a dog so the bridge bunnies and Captain Bobby can earn theirs while ogling him. But in the morning, he heads to Miboshi Academy giving his teachers the reason: “The Vajra ated it. If you fail me, I’ll lead the Vajra attack near your home the next time they come.” when he fails to hand in his homework.

2. Pop tarlet who sings about the benefits of carrots follows him to school.

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There’s nothing wrong with carrots. They’re a good source of Vitamin A, yummy when cooked right and is an excellent ingredient for cakes. However… it’s a novelty song. It’s not like it actually encouraged people to stock up and munch on carrots. It should be queasingly cute, but it wears out easily. Unlike Lin Minmay’s Shao Pai Lan which fans cheers on to, or Sara Nome’s song that literally made the flowers bloom, all Ranka did was to scare and swear Zentradi children off carrots. Possibly forever. It was definitely DECULTURE FAIL. The only thing I can think of creepier than this would be an episode of Moyashimon where Oryzae (yeast bacteria) was encouraging the male lead to “Eat me (through a bowl of miso soup). I’m good for you.”

3. Galactic Fairy follows him to school.

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Before Alto could force out an obligatory “I’m glad that you’re here” speech for Ranka, Sheryl comes in.

I don’t really know about these women… *Sigh* Maybe it’s age, but having the characters involved in every aspect of the life of the male protagonist can be exhausting for Alto. He doesn’t even have the slightest interest in girls at this point and time. Between the girl who wants Alto involved in every aspect of her life just so she can earn compliments from him and the girl who wants to involve herself in every aspect of Alto’s life so she can make fun of him, no wonder he keeps looking up to the sky for his one true love. Oh wait… the sky is Alto’s one true love.

Alright, I’m all for women taking the initiate to chase after someone they like. However, you have to consider that the poor guy is going to be suffocated with their attentions. And Alto has never been that interested in girls in the first place.

4. Even middle-schoolers misunderstand him.

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“Slave” is never a pretty word. Being declared as one by the Galactic Fairy just gives a foreshadowing of the kind of maltreatment that Alto was about to experience in the hands of his classmates.

Now, Alto is a gentleman who has a pretty sturdy set of morals in his value system. Luca, on the other hand… does not. It would seem he does more than just flight simulations and modify Samson’s specs on his computer. One is left to ponder that Mikhail would think.

5. He’s called names at school.

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Just because he’s prettier than half the cast and Sheryl’s earring actually looks better on him than the owner, doesn’t mean that people ought to be calling him “Princess”. It could be because he played one when he was still in kabuki, but people already know that his pretty lady looks is a sore subject for him. Of course, he has friends who exploit the fact. Who needs friends anyway? They’re overrated!

6. He’s a sucker to women.

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As established in Item Number 4, Alto is a gentleman. He’s a do-gooder who will do things because he has good intentions and just because he can. However, there should be a limit as to how he lets himself be played by girls. Geez! I don’t know much about kabuki theater – scratch that. I don’t know dick about kabuki theater except for one chapter I read of Backstage Prince when I was leafing through an issue of Shojo Beat, but one would expect something so much more from a classically-trained actor like Alto to identify bad acting when he sees it.

…or maybe Sheryl just looked so fugly when she did it that Alto just gave in just so she would stop putting on that face.

7. He goes to a school with a pantsu-chasing day.

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Well, at least no one was wearing asshats. You would think that a series with the longevity like Macross would be above lures typical of most ecchi anime. I can just see all the otaku-wannabes believing that life in Japan is all fun with all the singing carrots and panty-chasing they have.

However, it’s disturbing how no one wonders why Sheryl’s underwear moves on it’s own. Maybe they think, “Oh, those crazy Galaxy women and the things they put on their vajayjays.” Well, it’s still Sheryl’s underwear – if her underwear moves about then… I don’t even go there. This is a wholesome blog. I think.

8. In the end, he still saves the day.

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The only casualty of the episode is Samson.

After all the problems that everyone else caused while he did absolutely nothing but stand by and watch as his friends makes total asses of themselves, he’s the only one who is left to pick up the pieces and save the day. Pfft… yeah right, he probably just can’t help himself and just wanted to get on his jetpack and fly off to Frontier’s limited sky.

Many of the show’s fans see the episode as a worthless piece of pantsu-chasing episode that a long-established franchise like Macross doesn’t need because it only serves to pander anime’s new fans who think scenarios like these are staple to anime viewing. However, if you would just ignore the main story and focus on the side stories, you will see traces of “things to come” in the story like the appearance of the cute baby Vajra, Grace’s gradual unmasking, and the appearance of Brera Stern… Who am I kidding? This is a worthless piece of pantsu-chasing episode that a long-established franchise like Macross doesn’t need because it only serves to pander anime’s new fans who think scenarios like these are staple to anime viewing.

This entry was posted in for the lulz, Macross Frontier, today's special guest writer and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to (Episode) 8 Reasons Why Alto Saotome’s Life Sucks

  1. I lol’d, even if this is a rather pretentious post. But I guess you are allowed to be pretentious about Macross :p

  2. sakura says:

    I’m sure so many out there would kill to be in Alto’s position, stuck between Sheryl and Ranka and Alto would say.

    “HERE, TAKE THEM!”

    Then he could fly off to be with his true love, the sky.

    • biankita says:

      Alto being in high school could have made him oblivious to girls. Up until the end, he was only remotely conscious of either girl and just went off flying. Don’t you think?

  3. schneider says:

    >The only thing I can think of creepier than this would be an episode of Moyashimon where Oryzae (yeast bacteria) was encouraging the male lead to “Eat me (through a bowl of miso soup). I’m good for you.”

    But… but…! 😦

    Mameshiba are far creepier.

  4. Ryan A says:

    Haha. Now I sort of remember this episode, mostly because of Luca’s slave driver depiction of Sheryl. Yup, pretty much nothing happened. Also, lol digiboy.

    Oryzae were so cute thought XD

  5. Haesslich says:

    Bad Art + Recycled Story from Mai-Otome (the clothes-chasing through school of an animal) = KWALITY.

  6. Crusader says:

    A negative result of Kawamori’s lack of fiscal responsibility when it comes to dogfights. At least it was a net positive in the end.

  7. gloval says:

    FOr such an infamous episode, ep 8 gets two entries. Yeah, yeah, not the same author, but still. I’m waiting for ep 9 so we could touch on the Michel+Klan pairing (and its predecessors).

  8. DonKangolJones says:

    Adding all that stuff up… it does seem like it sucks. But I really thought Alto always needed to suck it up & run with the ladies’ attention. A man really shows his immaturity when he doesn’t know how to handle women.

    As for everything else, yeah I’ll say it again. I generally hated it. Reminded me of the annoying school hijinks episodes in Code Geass. Full of fanservice & FAILSAUCE.

    • Confession: I liked those school hijinks episodes in Code Geass, for serious. Yep, even NANI NANI MAI HUNNY. Yes, even that one when they all wore literal ass hats.

    • Those were surreally bad episodes. I personally vote for no more chase at the school episodes in mecha anime. Since when did it ever fit in this genre anyway….I mean that it takes up an entire episode. Just doesn’t feel right.

      • otou-san says:

        I too was bizarrely entertained by NANI MAI HUNNY, asshats, pizza toss, pizza toss redux, etc. Those episodes seemed to have a winking awareness of how silly they were. And at least they weren’t as poorly animated as this one.

  9. rollchan says:

    LOL @ -he’s a sucker to women- TRUE. 😀

  10. Square says:

    Yes it was pandering to the “modern” anime watcher, but Kawamori did this to setup his epic “end game” troll 😀

    • I dunno about ‘pandering’ and ‘troll.’ These words come easy to ‘cool’ people who watched this show, but I’m not too sure. Tell me more about these theories of yours.

    • otou-san says:

      Yeah, I’m with ghostlightning — I never bought that whole endgame troll thing… Knowing Kawamori the idealist rabu-rabu let’s sing treehugger that he is, I don’t see it. Plus, I’m still not sure, what was trolling about the end of Frontier? The fact that he yet again retconned the protoculture story? If you mean trolling the shippers by ending with AltoXairplane then yeah, somewhat, but it hardly qualifies as epic.

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