It’s a nice thought, but it’s an inauthenticity. I can’t stay forever young, not even in “mind” nor in “spirit.” I’ve seen things. I remember so many things. Even more telling, I’ve forgotten things. But there are things I want to remind myself as I grow older, as I do so today – things that are appropriate to share here on this anime blog.
The first thing: someday this blog will end. It will be well-before I actually die. But since I will die someday, so must this blog as I know it, as you’ve known it. The very idea of this finiteness allows for sentimentality. The sentiment here is that, at the very end of my youth and at the onset of middle age, I rediscovered and remembered love for cartoons.
The internet is awesome. It is full of things that will aggravate me, disgust me, and piss me off. But it also allowed me to reach you, to get your attention for a few moments. I got some of you to read, and some of you to keep coming back, and still even some of you to talk to me, about cartoons and comics… all on my terms. I never got to be the great and influential writer of consequence that was the stuff of my adolescent imagination, but some of you acknowledged me the way my university professors told me I will be acknowledged someday. I will never forget this.
I dislike many good things, and it’s okay. I don’t think I will ever like FLCL. I don’t think I will ever enjoy anything Getter Robo. I can be wrong, but I’ve made peace with the fact that there are good things out there that I’ll never enjoy, and I congratulate myself in how I won’t tell people how because I don’t like these things, these things must therefore be not good. I don’t care enough about these shows to have to be right about them.
I like many bad things, and it’s okay. I feel no guilt. I like Robotech without having to be a Macross purist. I don’t have to apologize for Robotech. Mobile Suit Gundam 0083: Stardust Memory remains one of my favorite shows, and I like it more than War in the Pocket.
I like terrible things in some shows (regardless of their overall quality) and I do feel guilt for them… and that’s okay too. I rooted for Lelouch, I feel sympathy for Zeon, I like characters precisely because they are or do fail (hello Minmay, Char, Ranka). I love Cowboy Bebop precisely because it is a pointless piece of sadness.
I’ve grown a lawn. While I still am subscribed to so many anime blogs. I’ve increasingly found them difficult to read – because I think the writing is shit. Things I would’ve read and commented on in 2009, I can’t bother with anymore. I’ve become less invested in seeing these improve over time, because well, they quit before they ever get better at blogging anime… or they just linger on being half-assed, or are like myself – fully convinced of their own ability.
STILL, I am very glad that people care enough about cartoons and comics to blog about them in any capacity and with whatever intention… whether as jaded haters, hipster haters, elitist tryhards, and the whole fucking spectrum of n00bity (precisely, because it rhymes with nudity). It’s because if any of these people ever eventually get an atom of what awesome, vitalizing, pleasure I got out of this hobby, then I feel even better for having done all this.