I’m very lukewarm when it comes to hype and anticipation. Sure I get excited about new shows coming out, but every season the past 3 or so years my behavior has been uncannily consistent: I end up trying out up to eight or so shows and dropping pretty much all but two or three. I almost never watch previews. Charts in the chartfag tradition? I rarely go into those, as they’re never really helpful for me. I used to read season previews (I actually still participate in T.H.A.T. Anime Blog’s efforts), but I find these exercises really stupid, as they’re just excuses for assholes to flaunt their biases and casually hate on shows.
But this post isn’t about hating on these blog and fan activities. They’re fun for some people and I wouldn’t keep them from their fun. Rather, I’m going into a direction that the complaints naturally lead to: what do people really want to see? If whatever’s showing is so bad, what kind of new show do you want to see? I don’t want to hear shit about how shows were so much better back in some fictitious golden age. I’ve been watching anime since the ‘70s. There were good shows, but even those shows had lots of stupid crap in them.
So no, no pure nostalgia shit. I want you to be creative. Give me something you really want to see. I remember love all the time, but there are great ways to do it, and stupid cheap ways as well. Now is the time to show us what kind of anime your taste can come up with. So here are the parameters: The shows must be for TV. I’m not hung up on episode count, but it will be good if you can indicate how long the show will run. I’m not hung up on studios and directors and production superstars, but you can mention them as long as you can provide context. Pure name-dropping doesn’t do anything for me. So don’t just say: “lkuhara and Nagai team up to make the next PreCure.” Give me why this is a good idea, give some kind of story synopsis, and other elements that will make this show awesome. Also, don’t just regurgitate stuff you’ve read from somewhere else. I know people want to see “Band of Brothers (in Zakus),” but think of something else. Then let’s all comment on each others’ shows. Let’s see who has the hopes and dreams that can light lives and set fire to loins, etc.
I want a historical re-imagining of the Crusades at the height of Saladin’s power, with robots. Yeah, I want something like Ridley Scott’s Kingdom of Heaven but instead of knights, cavaliers, foot soldiers and catapults, I want mechanized armies. Think Escaflowne without the flying machines. Think Broken Blade without the guns. I want the robots themselves to be more like powered armor than mobile suits. I want them smaller than Code Geass’ Knightmare Frames or VOTOMS’ Armored Troopers. Appleseed or Ghost in the Shell type suits are more like it.
What powers them? FAITH, yeah the religious kind. Since war is hell, no religion really wins: the flowers of each other’s armies (Jews, Catholics, Muslims) all perish in the madness of Jerusalem. It will be glorious. In a 26-episode format, there are only 2 or three big set-pieces. Let the episodes buck formula. There’s no need for a fight in every episode. Let there be talking, governance, politics, farming, and lots and lots of religion. If you’re going to cut corners and pan over stills, let the background artists paint lush desert landscapes. Let the dust bite into our very eyes.
Since I am a Catholifag, I want a Catholic point of view. I don’t care how fail their story is. I like it like that. Let the fail stand out in all its glorious failure. I don’t like Catholicism because of its rightness, I love it because of the utterly beautiful failures in its long, bloody, and disgusting history.
Will this be GRIMDARK? Fuck yes. Will there be comic relief? Fuck no. Any humor will be black. Let the episodes bore the infidels. I don’t care. The fanservice here will be for history nerds and robot fags. There won’t be female knights. There weren’t any back then and there won’t be in this fantasy. Maybe a Queen or two can supply some strong woman characterization, but the show can do without women. They won’t be objectified because they’re just never around to be objectified. Men didn’t give a shit about them in this show. The romance will all be about God. God and land holdings. Oh fuck yes.
Will there be teenaged characters? Sure. They leave Europe as teens and arrive in the Holy Land as men. No emo teens in the story proper. If there were, they must have left Europe as children. Doesn’t make sense. Are you excited yet? No? That’s okay because this show will never get made. But it was fun to think about it.
Now it’s your turn.